Over the last few weeks, I’ve dusted, cleaned, de-cluttered, purged, de-gayed and hired one heck of a real estate agent.

Sometimes, you just need to do more.  Today I did just that.  I took a step back and embraced my roots.  Google set me on the path to salvation and all things Catholic.

I ordered my St. Joseph statue and guide book tonight.  Saturday I will find a worthy plant  so St. Joseph can take his place on the patio, buried upside down, facing the condo.

St. Joseph, I pray for your safe and speedy delivery.

Your humble servant

Hooters put it all out there many years ago and more business are looking for ways to incorporate scantily clad ladies to get straight guys to open their wallets.  Beyond the Hooters Girls, you can now find baristas in bathing suits and lingerie clad hairdressers.

I wonder if Walmart will jump on the bandwagon?  That certainly would add a whole new level to the The People of Walmart.

My mind wandered during one performance and this Haiku surfaced:

I am amazed at what Oprah has accomplished over the years. I never thought her reign over day time television would fade. It seems, the veneer may be cracking.

I hear viewership has dipped below 7 million and her current Neilsen ratings dropped below the ratings of her first year.

Some say she is out of touch with her audience. Others are worried she is not attracting a younger audience. I suspect it is a combination of both and a few other things thrown in for flavoring.

Oprah is smart and sassy. I wonder if she will take Madonna’s lead and transform herself?

The Collegiate Snuggie craze is sweeping across America. Very soon, every college kid will be begging for one of these sexy blankets to keep toasty warm and show off their team spirit.

I suggest getting ahead of the game and surprise your kid today!

I wonder how long it will take his estate to release the Greatest Hits album? I am sure that will be followed up with several albums of “never heard” or “recently uncovered” songs.

I hope my family will be able to profit from my death. They can start with selling my belongings, including doodles and various journals. I will be sure to leave plenty of dirty underwear in the hamper. One never knows how much you could get for those on eBay.

I felt so dirty watching the commercial over and over again, I had no idea a sultry toaster oven and toasty torpedo could be so alluring. I need to attend church and confess my sins.

I wonder if the audience is gay men or just playing to the male obsession to show off and talk about their giant torpedo?

I suppose it doesn’t matter. Why would anyone deny themselves a toasty torpedo when it offers a foot long of gratification and costs less then one of those little Blue pills?

With the launch of Pet Airways, my pampering looks like animal abuse. When you book your pooch on Pet Airways, they get to ride in a private pet carrier in the main cabin. They even get a dedicated Pet Attendant during their flight!

That is better treatment then I got on my recent jam packed flight to Orlando. Perhaps I should consider dressing up in a poodle costume for my next trip.

“You will be fortunate in the opportunities presented to you.”

It may seem like a silly generic statement to many. At this moment in my life, that simple generic statement packs one heck of a punch. Three cheers for found fortune!